Is the Kansas City market really why your real estate business is slow? Sometimes it’s part of it, but it’s not always the whole story. Before you blame the market, look at what you control: whether your database consistently hears from you, whether you understand what your clients need, and whether you’re developing your team or controlling everything.
That question sits at the heart of Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute. I’m Morgan Earnhart, Director of Growth at Keller Williams Kansas City North, part of the WIN Network of Keller Williams offices in the Kansas City area. In this week’s Coaching Chronicles, I break down what the book says about the stories we tell ourselves when business slows down.
Key takeaways
- Being “in the box” means building a case against other people instead of owning your part.
- When business slows, that case often sounds like: my leads are terrible, my clients are unrealistic, my team doesn’t take ownership.
- The most useful question to ask yourself is: What if I’m contributing to the problem I’m complaining about?
- You can’t always control the market or the people around you. You can always control the leader you choose to be.
Is the market really why my business is slow?
Maybe partly. But the market is the easiest thing to blame, because it’s outside your control, and that’s exactly why it’s worth questioning. When you look honestly at your follow-up, your client conversations, and how you lead, you’ll often find something you can change this week. The market won’t hand you that.
So here’s the question I opened the video with. What if the biggest thing holding your business back right now isn’t the market? It isn’t your team, your clients, or your competition. What if it’s the way you’re seeing the people around you?
That’s not a comfortable question. It’s one of the most useful ones I know.
What does “being in the box” mean?
Being “in the box” means you know you should do something, and you don’t. Then, instead of taking responsibility, you start building a case that someone else is the problem. The book calls this self-deception. It’s easy to miss, because the case usually feels true.
The thing you’re avoiding is usually simple. Make the call. Have the conversation. Apologize to someone. Instead, we explain why we don’t need to. They don’t listen. They’re difficult. They don’t work hard enough.
Pretty soon, we’ve convinced ourselves the problem is everybody else.
What does self-deception sound like in a real estate business?
It sounds like a reasonable explanation. My leads are terrible. My clients are unrealistic. My team doesn’t take ownership. Each one might hold some truth. The problem is that once you believe it, you stop looking at your own part, and your part is the only piece you can actually change.
That’s why self-deception and a slow business go together so easily. If the market, the leads, and the clients are all the problem, there’s nothing left for you to do but wait.
Self-deception doesn’t feel like an excuse. It feels like an accurate read on the situation. That’s what makes it so hard to catch.
What should I check before I blame the market?
Start with three places: your database, your clients, and your team. For each one, ask the same leadership question: What if I’m contributing to the very problem I’m complaining about? Then pick one thing to change this week. Honest answers here are worth more than another week of waiting for the market.
Here’s a simple check you can run in one sitting:
- Write down what you’ve been blaming. The market, your leads, your clients, your team. Get the case out of your head and onto paper.
- Check your database. If it isn’t responding, have you consistently given those people a reason to hear from you?
- Check your clients. If they aren’t listening, have you taken the time to really understand what they need?
- Check your team. If they aren’t taking ownership, are you developing leaders or controlling everything yourself?
- Name the action you’ve been avoiding. The call, the conversation, or the apology. Do it this week.
- Get an honest picture before you plan. Note what’s working, where your gaps are, and where to focus next.
You may still decide the market is part of the story. That’s fine. Now you’ll know which part is yours.
What can I actually control when business slows down?
You can control how you lead. You can’t always control the market or the people around you, but you can choose whether to keep building a case or take responsibility for your part. Sometimes the breakthrough doesn’t come from another strategy. It comes from getting out of the box and seeing people differently.
Great leadership isn’t just about holding other people accountable. It starts with being willing to look at yourself first.
Here’s the challenge I gave in the video. Think about one person you’re frustrated with right now. Ask yourself how you’re seeing them. Ask how you might be contributing. Then ask what you’d do differently if you stopped trying to prove you were right and genuinely tried to help them succeed.
How do I use this before I build my 2027 plan?
Start with an honest picture of where you are right now. This book is about seeing what you may not be seeing in yourself, and that applies to your business too. Before you set 2027 goals, identify what’s working, where you have gaps, and where you should focus next.
👉 Take the 2027 Business Readiness Quiz to see where your business stands going into next year.
Keep reading: Browse every book breakdown in Coaching Chronicles.
FAQ
What is Leadership and Self-Deception about?
Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute is about the stories we tell to avoid our own part in a problem. It calls this being “in the box”: we skip what we know we should do, then build a case that someone else is to blame. For agents, it’s a useful lens for how we talk about leads, clients, teams, and the market.
Why isn’t my database responding to me?
Start by asking whether you’ve consistently given those people a reason to hear from you. If your contact has been sporadic, their silence may be a response to that, not proof they aren’t interested.
How do I stop blaming my leads and clients?
Notice the case you’re building, then ask how you might be contributing to the situation. Name the call or conversation you’ve been avoiding, and make it this week.
Does taking responsibility mean I shouldn’t hold my team accountable?
No. Accountability still matters. Great leadership isn’t only about holding others accountable, though. It starts with looking at yourself first, including whether you’re developing leaders or controlling everything yourself.
About the author
Morgan Earnhart, Director of Growth
Morgan Earnhart hosts Coaching Chronicles, a weekly series that breaks down one business or personal-growth book for real estate agents. She works with agents across the WIN Network offices on growth, leadership, and business planning.
WIN Network is a group of four Keller Williams offices serving the Kansas City area: KW Kansas City North, KW Realty Partners, Inc., KW Platinum Partners, and KW One Legacy Partners.